Content Warning: This blog contains discussions of self-harm, suicide, and mental health struggles.
Written by volunteer Ben White, this blog chronicles his journey through a dark period of depression and the strength it took to transform his life positively.
Hi, I’m Ben, a 28-year-old medical secretary from London. Mental health issues touch all of our lives in some way. Thank you for joining me on this personal journey through a challenging time in my life. It was a period where everything seemed to crumble, but through perseverance and self-reflection, I found my way back to myself. Here is my story.
At 25, I was living with my long-term partner in our first home together. I was working as an Events Administrator, pursuing a career in sportswriting, and harboring dreams of excelling in running and charitable work. Life felt full of promise and ambition until one day, everything changed.
My partner and I broke up.
The breakup blindsided me, leaving me feeling lost and unsure. In hindsight, I see that I wasn’t fully appreciating her or our relationship. Losing her shattered my sense of identity and purpose, leading to a period of deep loneliness and instability. The breakup, coupled with being furloughed from work and losing our home, plunged me into a spiral of self-doubt and despair.
I began questioning my worth and struggling with feelings of inadequacy. If I couldn’t be enough for her at my best, when would I ever be enough? I found myself adrift, neglecting self-care, and falling into a pattern of negative habits and thoughts. Life became a monotonous cycle of sadness and hopelessness, with moments of contemplating a life without pain.
One day, as I faced the urge to end it all, a thought struck me – what would my family feel if I disappeared? The love and support they had always shown me reminded me of my own resilience and strength. I realized that giving up would not only hurt me but those who had shaped me into the person I am.
That moment of clarity sparked a gradual transformation. I began viewing myself as a work in progress, a project with the potential to grow and evolve. I recognized the importance of stepping back from my emotions, seeking control over my thoughts, and finding healthy outlets for my pain.
Running emerged as a lifeline, a familiar activity that helped channel my emotions and clear my mind. Listening to running podcasts provided solace and connection, offering me hope and inspiration from others who had faced similar struggles. Structuring my days and maintaining routines became crucial in rebuilding a sense of stability and purpose.
Sharing my journey through writing, particularly through poetry, became a form of catharsis and self-expression. Opening up about my struggles allowed me to connect with others, break the silence surrounding mental health, and foster a sense of community and understanding.
As I reflect on my experiences, I acknowledge that the journey towards mental well-being is ongoing. Life will continue to test us, but I now feel empowered and equipped to face its challenges with resilience and self-awareness. I am seen, I am heard, and I am me.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek help. Resources and support are available through organizations like the Samaritans. Remember, you are not alone in your journey towards healing and self-discovery.
Let’s continue to destigmatize mental health, share our stories, and support one another on this shared path to wellness. Together, we can make a difference.
For more information on mental health resources and the impact of exercise on well-being, visit our website. Remember, your mental health matters.
